I’m Afraid of Having Children

I’m afraid of having children.
I’m afraid of raising a son or daughter in this country.
“C’mon, you need to have a baby soon.”
“Why don’t you want to have children?”
“Have you gone for a check up?”
I’d be in the middle of a family gathering, and someone would decide to say, “Everyone else has had kids except you. It’s making you look bad.”.
Whenever I hold a relative’s baby, I’m told to hurry up and have a child that looks like them.
“Why don’t you want to make us happy?”
If I have a child, will it be here or abroad?
My parents want to give me money to go abroad.
So, they do realize why I don’t want to have a kid here.
We went to a relative’s baby shower last week.
They had a baby after less than a year of marriage.
“You were supposed to give birth to the first grandchild,” they said.
“C’mon, now! Make us happy!”
It was like nobody cared I was there.
They only cared that I gave them a baby.
It was the only topic they seemed to care about.
I feel like screaming.
I don’t need anyone to nag me about having children.
I love children, but I can’t bring a child into this world feeling like I won’t be able to protect them.

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