It started when I was in 8th grade after my third sister was born, and from the very first moment, I was forced to be her mother.
She even used to sleep in my arms when I had school early the next morning.
Every so often, I’d wake up to her crying
depression, mental health

I gave birth to my first child.
I used to hear about postpartum depression.
I thought it happened due to the changing body.
But when I experienced it myself, I found out that there are more reasons behind it.
It felt as if I was battling a monster.
mental health, depression, postpartum depression, motherhood, social pressure, social stigma

I can sleep for very long hours
Or become sluggish and eat all day.
Then suddenly, I can sleep very little hours, barely eat anything, finish a lot of work in such a short time, and have tremendous energy to move around.
mental health, depression, social stigma

I didn’t know that this was depression. No one knew.
Months passed and all I wanted was to stop crying.
What was going on?
6 months passed. I wanted the world to end.
I tried to commit suicide more than once.
mental health, depression

Something hurts.
Something has made me stop feeling.
I even stopped doing the things I loved most.
Now, I do things just because I have to.
mental health, depression

I went to my shrink and told her there was a hole inside of me.
Prescribe something, anything. I'm not happy feeling this way.
It's like someone plunged their hand deep inside, took something, and left.

I feel like my brain is clogged up.
My limbs are heavy and every little action requires a great deal of effort.
My muscles are tired and shaky.
They're so weak.
mental health, depression

I’m a country girl, unfortunately.
I am 27 years old.
I’ve been getting beaten up and humiliated since I was 3 years old.
I remember every blow, and the pain.
I still have scars on my body,
That serve as a constant reminder.

Sleeping too much or not sleeping at all.
Constant crying.
An appetite for nothing.
I don’t even want to breathe.
I’m neglecting my work,
And I can’t stand anyone.
I’m failing at school,
And I’m losing my friends.
No one stays with me.
I don’t blame them.
I can’t even tolerate myself.

Going to sleep is hard and waking up the next day is even harder.
“Why? What is the reason behind all this?”
“Are you under some sort of pressure?”
“I don’t know!” is the reply I always give.
mental health, depression, social pressure