My husband and I had five children.
We used to live in a two-bedroom apartment. We lived a good life.
He gave me a good life, God rest his soul.
He built an apartment building and said he’d reserve an entire floor for us, instead of just one small apartment.
prison, social stigma

He was always suspicious of me.
Whenever he went out, he’d wedge a single hair between the door and the doorframe.
When he’d get back home, he’d check the door to see if I’d gone out.
His suspicions were very hard to deal with.
When God was going to bless us with a baby, my husband gave me an ultimatum: “It’s either me or the baby.”
So, I went and got an abortion.
motherhood, social stigma, domestic violence, prison, physical violence

I was on the run for 5 years. I rarely stayed at home.
And when I did, I couldn’t go out into the balcony or look out the window.
I would sneak in and out of the house like a thief.
I was arrested one day when I didn’t know I was being watched.
prison, social stigma

We were transferred on the first day.
We didn’t know if we were going to be transferred or not.
We found out when someone called the police station.
We found out that we were going to the Qanater prison.
I remember my expectations of that place.
prison

I suffered a lot in there.
My mother didn’t visit me for 6 months.
No one but her visited me.
My father visited me twice in 10 years.
He wasn’t taking it well.
prison, bullying, parents, gender violence, sexual violence, addiction

It would take forever to tell you everything that happened in prison.
We’ve learned things from this experience.
There’s the good and bad in there.
You make friends in there – although not in the normal sense.
prison

I worked at the gates for the Commissioner.
For every 10 loads I carried, I got 2 boxes of cigarettes.
I would also get soda cans from the prisoners in for forgery.
That was until I received my sentence.
prison, work, marriage

When the prison affairs officials would pass by in the yard, I’d submit my papers and visit my brother.
And I’d ask my brother to visit me in prison.
This was allowed to people with long sentences.
prison

When I got out I felt like I was in a circus.
There was an implicit collective agreement to not talk about it.
And to surrender to depression.
I didn’t like that.
No one could understand what it was really like.
prison

Mother’s day in there was such a terrible day for me, to be honest.
My mother is very special to me. May she rest in peace.
Only those who have lost their mothers will understand the feeling.
prison, parents