Being a woman is hard. Really hard.
Everything is exhausting.
It requires tremendous effort just to live a normal life.
Now imagine being an attractive woman.
Everything is painful and exhausting.
No, it’s not what you think.
I’m talking about how difficult it is to be tired.
Tired of driving, of work, of people and how annoying they can be.
And of the loneliness that makes me feel vulnerable.

“You can’t be depressed like this and always in a bad mood.
Look at the other girls!
No one will consider looking at you twice if you always look this.
You must learn to hide your emotions.
Don’t let your sadness show.
Don’t let anyone feel it.
Otherwise your future husband will get fed up with you.”

I don’t care if no one likes me!
Am I supposed to suppress my feelings of anger and loneliness just to get married and be loved?

I demand that people stop saying a’abalik [may you get married next].
I hate this phrase and I never understood it.
I never know what to say in reply.
It’s such an aggravating thing to say.
Same thing applies to when people tell me to buy something and not use it until I get married.
What if I never get married?
Do I just cry over those things then?
Me: “Baba, I want to go to (insert place) with my friends.”
Baba: “No. Girls aren’t allowed to go (insert place) alone or with friends.
You can go with your husband when you get married.”

It’s unfair how you keep stifling me and my interests until I get married.

Expecting a woman to both be feminine and independent at the same time is difficult.
A woman works to be financially independent.
You’re old enough to work now.
You received the best education.
You can’t just sit at home waiting for a suitor to come along.
Get a job and you might find a suitor there.

It’s always annoying when elderly people ask,
“So? No potential suitors at work?”
You also have to learn how to drive because there’s no one to drive you around as you please.
Someone please tell me,
How am I supposed to be an outgoing and energetic woman when I have no energy at all?
That’s it for now.
We’ll continue later.

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