I’ll tell you a story about harassment.
Or let’s not call it harassment.
Let’s call it, “Hamada Loves You, Fawzia.”

The story of Hamada began when I started a fellowship at a reputable university.
We were six girls and two boys.
We were studying community development.
I got to know Hamada.
He was nothing more than a colleague.

Hamada was always around me because we worked together.
I stopped seeing him frequently after we were done with the training and workshops.
But the group kept in touch through Facebook or text messaging.

I found a message from Hamada one day saying,
“I miss you.”
I wasn’t used to this kind of talk from him.
I replied with, “?”.

He then started to message me regularly.
I’ve been through this before, so I didn’t always reply.

Until one day, he sent me a message saying,
“I wish we could go out. I want to sleep on your shoulder.”
To which I replied,
“Please don’t talk to me this way at work.”
That’s when he stopped.
I thought it was over.

But then he sent me another message.
“I’m your slave.”
I was fed up at that point.
I decided to stand up to him.
“Please speak appropriately.
And please stop talking to me.”

I never experienced something like this at work before,
So I asked my manager,
“What am I supposed to do if I’m being harassed by a colleague at work?”
She asked me for details,
So I told her about Hamada.
My manager decided to escalate the complaint.
I told her I didn’t want any trouble,
But she insisted.
“I already told “N.”
If you don’t show up and bring your phone that has the messages,
It’s you who’ll be in an unfavorable position,” she said.

I hesitated at first.
But I decided to go to the meeting they arranged since they were professional and supportive.
I attended the meeting with “N” and “S”.
One of them wasn’t Egyptian, so the other one explained to her that those messages weren’t acceptable in our society.

After I told them the whole story,
I was surprised by “S” reaction.
“We don’t always mean the things we write in messages.
Maybe by “sleeping on your shoulder”, he means that he cherishes you.
And he probably doesn’t mean anything by sending those kissing emojis.
And “N” said,
“I don’t think Hamada was harassing you.
Harassment is a serious accusation.
I think he was just trying to seduce you.
That’s normal.
It’s normal for people at your age to be seduced.
That’s not harassment.
It means he loves you.”

“Yes, but we’re in a work environment.”
“N”: It’s normal.
“S”: The messages don’t indicate any harassment.
“N,” after looking at my veil,
“Perhaps you come from a conservative or strict background.
That’s why you thought this normal talk was harassment.
It’s okay for someone to express their admiration for you, Fawzia.
It’s okay for them to send these messages.

To be honest, I don’t remember what was said after that.
All I remember is that, for the first time, I felt oppressed.
Instead of helping me deal with someone who’s crossing their boundaries,
I was told to not make a big deal out of it.
I felt oppressed because they assumed I had issues,
And that I was strict.
Just because, with my own free will, I choose to dress a certain way.
I felt oppressed because I wasn’t being heard.
It’s as if they were prepared to prove me wrong.

I wish I could go back to that meeting.
I would tell “S”,
“No, it’s not normal.
It’s my right to be treated with respect.
Any work environment requires proper conversation decorum.”
I wish I could go back and tell “N”,
“Shame on you for justifying harassment by telling a girl that she’s too strict for not liking this behavior.
It’s her right to accept or refuse this kind of behavior.”

I was depressed for four months because of this.
Whenever I think of the whole situation,
I hear in my head Fouad el-Mohandes’ famous saying,
“You should’ve let him hold your hand, Fawzia.”