The feeling was really strong.
I don’t know what it was exactly.
I was standing in the balcony.
Life as I knew it was over, and the future was unknown.
My father came in and slapped me on the face.
“Isn’t it enough what you did?” he said.
Then my mother said,
“Isn’t it enough what happened?!
Isn’t it enough what you did?
What more will you do?”
Aren’t you going to stop?
When are you going to understand?
You’ve destroyed our lives.”

I did not say a word.
I couldn’t say anything.
I couldn’t feel anything.
I walked away.
They locked me inside my bedroom.
I looked up.
I kept looking up for quite some time.
I didn’t say a word.

He can see everything that’s happening.
He knows everything.
He knows there’s nothing I can do.
I don’t know whether I’m right or wrong.
I don’t know where I’m headed.
I felt as if the world had just stopped spinning.
I felt small.
I thought I’d feel as if I were going to hell.
But I felt reassured in a way I had never felt before.
I sat on a chair and smiled.
I know nothing is going to change.
I know I’m in big trouble.
But at least I know I’m a bad person.
I didn’t do anything wrong.
And even if I did, so what?
I don’t have to occupy myself with thoughts about heaven and hell,
About my father and mother.
The fear inside me has disappeared.
I’m okay now.