You Still Didn’t Get It?

When I was in primary school,
Mama and my teacher talked about periods.
I understood everything about them.
I finished primary school,
And still didn’t get my period.
Mama didn’t stay quiet about it.
She told all my aunts,
That I was going to middle school,
And still didn’t get my period.
This made family gatherings a nightmare for me.
All my aunts would keep asking me,
“You still didn’t get it?”
“You still didn’t get it?”
How come her younger sister got it,
And she didn’t?”
“Her breasts are getting bigger.”
“Her body is growing.
How come she still didn’t get it?”
I became the center of every conversation.

When I started worrying about it being late,
I asked mama—who loses her temper,
And had been asking me every day since the 5th grade until the 8th grade—
If it was dangerous,
Then why don’t we see a doctor?
“Because you’re a girl.
You can’t see a doctor except if you’re married,” she replied.
I didn’t understand what marriage had to do with it.
I stayed quiet,
And felt guilty,
As if it were in my hands.

I finally got it in the 8th grade.
It came with severe pain.
I stayed home from school the first month.
The second time I got it was during my exams,
So I couldn’t stay home.
Mama would yell at me,
“All women get it,
And they live their lives normally,
And go to work.
You’re just making a big deal out of it!”
She warned me not to tell any of my colleagues or teachers,
Because it was “inappropriate.”

I hated myself.
I was tired,
And feeling down.
I wanted to go change my pad,
But I couldn’t.
I couldn’t ask to drink some juice,
Or not attend training in the morning.
I was hit once for not doing the training exercises,
Because I was in severe pain.
I felt sorry for myself for not being able to talk to anyone,
Even though it was not my fault.

I grew up,
And got married.
God blessed me with a man who’s very understanding,
And understands my pain.
I would tell him,
And my friends,
When I was feeling tired,
Without any embarrassment,
Especially since I stay at home during it,
And don’t do any housework.
I don’t go out because of the severe pain I experience,
Which turned out to be caused by problems in my ovaries and uterus.
Can you imagine that I was actually happy,
To find out that something was wrong with my ovaries?
That way no one would say I was making a big deal out of it.

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