I am 21 years old.
The emptiness started 2 years ago.
People used to say that I was an energetic person who was always laughing.
Everything has changed now.
I’ve become pale—I look so pale.

There’s something different about my laugh and the words that come out of my mouth.
Something hurts.
Something has made me stop feeling.
I even stopped doing the things I loved most.
Now, I do things just because I have to.

I don’t eat; I lost 45 kilos in 3 months.
“Good job! That’s good,” everyone told me, because I used to be fat.
But I would just laugh.
I write stories, and I love to draw.
But I can’t get myself to do these things anymore.
My life has become so dim; it resembles a water-damaged painting.
I am no longer noticeable.
I can’t sleep.

My eyes hurt, and I cry softly, noiselessly.
I went to see a doctor because I thought there must be some sort of solution for this,
but his response was cold and meaningless:
“It’s okay. I’ll give you a sleeping pill and everything will be fine. Try doing something new.”
I told him that I tried everything.

I travelled to the country I wanted to visit the most, and I wasn’t happy.
It felt ordinary; I didn’t feel anything.
I went to the doctor again.
“I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do for you,” he said.
And that was it.
I’ve decided to just keep living this way: pale and faded.

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