My paternal grandmother harmed all of the family’s girls,
And was the reason they got circumcised.
And when it was my turn, she gave the order to my father,
But my mother refused.

“Old women understand what’s best and proper in terms of values and morals.
She knows better than you do. Don’t talk about this again.
End of discussion!” my father said.
At the time we were living abroad, and we visited during summers.
When we got back, I got really sick.
They spent that entire break taking me to doctors.
The following break,
My parents got into a huge fight,
And we spent the entire break at my mother’s family.
The break following that we didn’t visit because my father went to perform hajj.

The next time we visited,
My grandmother made a big fuss and said they had to circumcise me.
But my mother kept making up excuses:
“The girl is old now; the operation should be done at a young age.
She might suffer complications,
And something might happen to her and she’s already weak.
Leave her like that.
And if at any time we noticed something about her behaviour,
I promise you, we will do the operation at any age.”

The campaigns that were spreading about the dangers of FGM,
Helped her convince him.

Fate saved me, and I got away without having to do it.
But my grandmother didn’t leave me alone.
She would always call me names and would tell my father:
“She’s going to be a slut and bring you shame.
You listened to your wife, soon you’ll regret it and weep,
When you’re the subject of everyone’s gossip”

Every time someone visited us, she’d repeat the same thing again.
With me sitting there, listening.
When I ran or played like any other child, she’d say:
“Look how horny the girl is!”
And if I rode a bike, she’d say:
“Slut! She wants to stick anything between her legs.”
She’d say the same thing if I wore pants too.

Even though all the girls in the family,
Were doing the same things I was doing.
They dressed just like me, but they were proper and I was a slut.
She’d scare me by saying,
“You’ll grow a penis just like your brother,
And the part that you didn’t want us to remove will grow,
and you’ll look like a girl but you’ll have the genitals of a man.”

I heard the nastiest things from her.
She’d always turn my father against me too.
All this happened when I was just a kid,
Who knew nothing in life.

This woman died when I was in college.
At that moment, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.