I was eight years old.
I was playing in the streets,
Where a sixty year old man used to sell honey.
He would get us honey every month.

That time there was no one at home.
He did things to me that I didn’t understand.
When he left,
I found blood on my clothes.
I thought I had finally become a woman, like my sister.
I started getting my period,
And I eventually forgot about the whole thing.

Years later,
I started working at a clothing store.
Every day at noon, the owner would leave for lunch.
My coworker and I would do inventory in the meantime.

One day, I skipped breakfast,
And was very tired.
I got dizzy and lost consciousness.
When I regained consciousness,
My coworker kept telling me that I wasn’t a virgin.
“How did you know?”
I asked him.
Turns out, while I was unconscious,
He did things to me.
That’s how he knew.
“You need to see a doctor.”

I visited a doctor,
And she told me that I became a woman when that old guy did those things to me.
My coworker wanted to do things to me every day since.
He would hit me.
He couldn’t do anything to me without beating and cursing me.
There was nothing I could do.
I was scared.
I would tell my mother that I wanted to quit,
But she wouldn’t let me because the job paid well.
We needed the money.

I couldn’t tell her about my coworker.
She really loved him,
So there was no way she was gonna believe me.
The store eventually went bankrupt,
And my coworker got a job abroad.
I don’t forgive him.
I told him that.
“I don’t forgive you.”

I oftentimes think about killing myself.
I think I’m a terrible person,
And that I don’t deserve to live.
But then again,
I tell myself it’s a test of faith.
My coworker used to always tell me,
“I love your body.”
One time,
I got a knife and started cutting myself.

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