Mama Wouldn't Talk to Me

I decided to wear the hijab when I was 12 years old.
And I decided not to have any contact with men when I was 17 years old.
Some people told me, “You’ve become too conservative.”
While others told me, “May God bless you.”
And a lot of my friends stopped talking to me altogether.
But no one told me how to deal with my fiance.
He’s a man, which means I can’t shake hands with him.
But he’s going to be my husband in two months.

I’m scared and I don’t know what to do.
I’m too embarrassed to ask my mother or friends.
I wish my mother had talked to me and told me what to do and how to think.
But she didn’t tell me anything at all.
I finally decided to depend on myself, so I went online.

There was a lot of disgusting stuff.
Some of the pictures made me sick.
I was even more scared now.
Will I have to do the things I saw in those pictures?

He’s my husband, and I’m his wife.
We have to make each other happy in whichever way pleases us.
That’s what God said.
Our relationship is halal.

Why didn’t you talk to me, mama?
Who should I ask?
It’s halal.
I finally found a website full of advice and thankfully without any pictures.
I read a lot, but I couldn’t understand a thing.

Warning The stories on our story archive could contain potentially sensitive and/or triggering material. If a story causes you discomfort or pain, please remember to breathe and check in with yourself before continuing or stop reading completely if necessary.