The Habit

Until I was sixteen years old, I didn’t know exactly what made boys and girls different.
I hadn’t lived a sheltered life or anything, so I don’t know why I was ignorant about this.
In what felt like an instant, I became surrounded by teenage friends whose jokes were always sexual in nature.
I seriously didn’t understand a single thing they said.

One day, I went online and read about the differences between male and female bodies and saw pictures.
I still didn’t really get it, but that day paved the way for my later discovery of porn on baba’s computer.
Some time later, a friend of mine came complaining to me about how often he jerked off.
I pretended I understood what he was talking about, but I honestly had no idea.
I managed to slowly get it out of him, however, and he told me how he did it.

I gave it a try as soon as I got home, and in a few minutes time, my hands were covered in a sticky substance.
I felt like something had exploded in my brain, and my heart was beating like I had just been in a wrestling match.
Ever since that day, I rarely go a week without masturbating.

It took me a long time to make peace with the fact that this was a difficult habit to break.
I convinced myself to enjoy it instead of beating myself up about it. This considerably lessened the pressure I had put on myself.

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