I wore the hijab even though I wasn’t really convinced I should.
I was trying to please God, since it’s an obligation for Muslim women.
It was also a way of meeting society’s standards of being modest.

My parents were happy with my decision.
It came as a surprise to them.
They knew me as their daughter who liked singing, acting and theatre,
Then one day they found me wearing the hijab.
They didn’t talk to me about it.
They didn’t advise me to reconsider,
Because it wasn’t an easy step to take.
It was as if they had been waiting for me to make the decision to wear it.
I received a ton of presents, head scarves, and money.
There were people congratulating me wherever I went.
It felt like Egypt had just won the World Cup.
Or as if I had just gotten engaged—God forbid!
At that point, I was waiting for it to be announced in the news even,
“Breaking news: Zeina has decided to wear the hijab!”

Things then started to change.
It started to feel more like a fashion trend than a religious act.
I wasn’t sure if I was fully convinced I should wear it.
Six months later, I took it off.

This is how it went down in the neighborhood after I took it off:
The kiosk guy: “Why did you do that, Ms.?
Such a loss!
Astaghfirullah! [I ask Allah for His forgiveness]
You’re taking a step backwards.
Think about it again.
You’re making a mistake.
Go home and put it on.
God will forgive you.”
Me: “No, this is my decision and mine alone!”
Kiosk Guy: “Well, then, I refuse to sell you anything.”
I haven’t bought anything from his kiosk ever since.
Whenever he sees me he says,
“Astaghfirullah!”

The first time I went to university without the hijab,
I was met with a lot of bewildered stares.
I knew I was the day’s bit of gossip.

Dina: “We know you took it off to get an A.
The professor won’t fall for it.”
Nermeen: “Zeina, we don’t want to take it off just to get an A like you did.”
Laila: “You know that the professor doesn’t like veiled women.
I swear if you don’t wear it in tomorrow’s exam, we’ll never speak to you again.”

During the lecture,
The professor: “You look much better this way.
Why cover up all this beauty with a piece of cloth?
Hijab is an old trend.
You’re wasting your beauty.
Me: “So are you pleased with me, professor?”
The professor: “Very much so.
I’ll show you how pleased I am.”

The following day was my graduation project presentation.
As soon as I entered the office,
Before even presenting my project,
The professor said,
“A.”
I’m sure he didn’t even read my research paper.
He didn’t read anyone’s research paper.
But he still gave me an A,
And I became the top student.

Some of my close friends were actually betting on me taking off the hijab,
While others cut ties with me.
They said I was an “infidel” and an “atheist.”
They thought I didn’t “deserve to live.”

The first time I went out with my family without the hijab, my father said,
“I won’t go out with you like this. Go cover your hair.
You can’t visit your aunts looking like this.
I won’t be seen in public with you.
What are people going to say about me?
That I have no control over you?”
I did as he wanted.
I still cover my hair whenever we visit his relatives.

When I was job-hunting,
People would tell me,
“Wear more revealing clothes.
It’ll help you get a job faster.”

Riding the metro was a completely different experience.
A woman wearing the hijab would only give her seat to another hijabi woman.
Same thing with women wearing abayas and the niqab.
Whereas unveiled women are left to stand,
And wait for an unveiled woman to get up and give her her seat.
But before you know it,
A woman in niqab would call out to another woman in niqab to take the free seat.
Disregarding the fact that I’m dead tired.

Sometimes, women in the metro ask me whether I’m Muslim or not.
Me: “I’m Muslim, thankfully.”
The woman: “Astaghfirullah!
Aren’t you afraid of God?
Aren’t you afraid of His punishment?”
She would then proceed to lecture me about Islam,
Telling me that I’m an infidel,
And that the hijab is the only thing that distinguishes between Muslim and Christian women.
It’s like she was trying to fire me up to go fight in a holy war or something the second I stepped off the metro!