First Love

Dear Sultan,
This is one of the last sad letters I will be writing to you.
I wrote many,
But today a new feeling has arised,
And I want to share it with you.
Sometimes I feel like we should actually have a relationship in real life that allows me to write you these letters.
We would both know how much we care about one another,
Even if we cannot be together,
But we would still express everything to each other.
First of all,
I want to tell you why it is so hard for me to let you go.
I have accepted my fate,
But I do not know what to do with the memories that still linger.
They are too precious to let go of and too painful to keep.
You have touched me so deeply,
More than anyone else has.
I wasn’t prepared for that.
You were my first love,
My first dream.
For the first time ever,
I became a slave to my emotions.
It started with how you made me feel:
A ticklish feeling that I can still recall..
I can still smell that summer, our smiles, our energy, our skin, and your breath.
How did you manage to make me feel so much and yet feel so safe?
I could see myself in your arms when I felt like nothing else mattered.
I was hooked;
I couldn't believe how drugged I could get by this image.
It was like I was in another world,
And then you would smile,
That smile that opened my heart and made me happy.
I can still see your face so close to mine,
Your skin so inviting,
That beautiful smell.
Like the smell of summer, youth, dreams, hope, and my strength.
You made me feel great.
And it all went downhill from there, which I don't want to remember.
I don't know where you are now.
You are a different person, and I am too.
And it’s for the best that I do not see you anymore,
But I will cherish these memories until I feel the same way again.
It is how I felt about you that I will always keep in my heart and my mind.
But I still want to know how you feel.

I also wrote a poem for/about you:
A feeling has haunted me.
A soaring wave of emotion breaks me.
The world crumbles, and I only see my sadness.
I long for a glimpse of that something, but I don't.
That drowning sensation; it doesn't stop.
My eyes, disappointed with that constant sadness.
Why do you scare me in the midst of all this?
Then I rise again, relive it.
When will that cycle stop?

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