Ahmed: “What do you think of that hottie over there?”
Amr: “Which one? The veiled one?
I love veiled women.”
Ahmed: “Really?
Why?”
Amr: “You know when you get a wrapped present,
And you take your time unwrapping it?”
Ahmed: “I’m talking about the girl walking with her, man.
Of course I wasn’t talking about that woman over there.
She looks like the potential brides my mother makes me meet.”
Amr: “Your mother makes you meet potential brides?”
Ahmed: “Yeah, man.
All the time.
She thinks they’re all like her,
Or will be like her in exactly two years.
I’ve stopped meeting them,
So, now she sends me their pictures on Facebook.”
Amr: “Why don’t you go for it?
It’s not like you have any other option.”
Ahmed: “No, man.
I don’t want a bride.
I want to fool around a little,
Or a lot.”
Amr: “What’s up, hottie?”
Ahmed: “Dude, you’re sick!”
Amr: “Why?
Where’s the problem in that?
They’re just words.
Isn’t it better than harassing girls in the street?”
Ahmed: “You think what you’re doing isn’t harassment?”
Amr: “If she can’t hear me,
Then it’s not harassment.”
Ahmed: “You’re right.
If people could hear the things going on in my head,
I’d be executed in public.
How’s it going with the girl you were trying to hook up with?”
Amr: “There’s nothing much going on.”
Ahmed: “How so?”
Amr: “We go out,
Have dinner,
Drink coffee,
Go to the movies,
Stuff like that.
You know, nothing special.”
Ahmed: “You don’t deserve that girl.
Have you noticed how nice her voice is?”
Amr: “Her voice?
I swear you’re sick, man.
She’s my girlfriend,
Of course, I know what her voice sounds like.”
Ahmed: “Her voice makes me weak in the knees.
If I was in a relationship with a girl like that,
I’d spend the entire night on the phone with her.”
Amr: “You and your obsession with phone calls.
Screw relationships.
Screw this virginal love.
Why should I waste money on phone calls and outings?
I keep telling her that I love her,
And that I miss her,
But she will only let me hold her hand,
Or put my hand on her shoulder.
She won’t even get into the car with me.
And if I steal a kiss,
She makes me feel guilty.”
Ahmed: “So you’ve kissed her?
She has unbelievable lips.”
Amr: “You’re despicable, you know that?”
Ahmed: “I’m just kidding, man.
I’ll stop talking if I’m bothering you.
It looks like this whole thing is giving you a hard time.”
Amr: “I didn’t kiss her,
Even though I wish I could.
You know what I want?
I want to be with someone I could act naturally with.
No acting or playing hard to get.
I want to be with someone I could be myself with,
Like how I’m myself with you now.
But she needs to be much better looking than you.”
Ahmed: “Where will you find someone like that?
You should find someone to be with for a while,
Then get engaged to her,
And marry her if things go well.”
Amr: “Marry her for a while?”
Ahmed: “That’s not what I meant.”
Amr: “I want to be in a relationship,
The foreign way.
I want to see her whenever I like,
Kiss her,
Invite her to my house.”
Ahmed: “Invite her to your house, of course.
I get what you mean now.”
Amr: “You’re horny, man.
It’s not about touching her.
I want to be able to sit with her comfortably.
I want us to cook together,
Watch TV together.
I want to see what she’s like.
I want her to see what I’m like.
I just want to get to know her well.
I want to live with her.”
Ahmed: “Who are you fooling?
So you don’t want to sleep with her?”
Amr: “I do, of course.
But that’s not my purpose.”
Ahmed: “Let me ask you a question.
Would you let your sister do the same thing?”
Amr: “Let her do what?”
Ahmed: “Let her go over to her boyfriend’s house.”
Amr: “I want my sister to be able to choose the man she wants to marry,
And I want her to get to know him well first.”
Ahmed: “But your parents will never allow her to get to know him that way.”
Amr: “Of course they won’t.
They don’t want her to know any guys outside of college.
They only want her to have acquaintances.
They want the right guy to ask for her hand in marriage.
They’ll get engaged then married, and that’s it.”
Ahmed: “One time, I went to the cinema from 9 pm to 12 am with my girlfriend,
And when my mother found out,
She said she was a loose girl,
And that her parents couldn't control her,
Just because she stayed out until 12 am.”
Amr: “Yes, that’s how all parents are like.
They judge whether a girl is good or bad,
Based on her curfew at home.
It’s as if immoral things only happen at night.
When I’m in a relationship,
I like to spend as much time as I can with my girlfriend.
Not just to get to know her, and eventually marry her,
But because I love her,
And want to see her often.
Ahmed: “The problem is,
For you to get to know a girl well,
Your relationship has to be official,
Which means you have to marry her.
And if you want to marry her,
You have to get engaged first.
And if you want to get engaged,
You have to get to know her well.
And if you want to get to know her well,
You have to spend a lot of time with her.
And if you want to spend a lot of time with her,
You have to get engaged to her.
It’s an endless cycle.”
Ahmed: “The only solution is to deceive the girl.”
Amr: “What?”
Ahmed: “Yes.
You should get engaged to her,
So you can spend time with her,
And get to know her.
Then dump her if you think you’re not a good match.”
Amr: “Regardless of the fact that you’re an asshole,
That’s actually what happens with girls in Egypt.
Let’s say I get married,
Do you know how much I make a month?”
Ahmed: “Yes, I know.
But your father will surely help out.”
Amr: “Yes, he will.
But money isn’t the problem.
I’m looking for a girl that suits me.
I’m not seeking to get married now.
I want to find a suitable girl for me,
And then we’ll see how things go.”
Ahmed: “No, I think you actually want to get married.
You’re 25 years old now, right?”
Amr: “Yes.”
Ahmed: “Have you ever slept with a woman?”
Amr: “Yes.”
Ahmed: “That’s not what I meant.
Have you ever slept with a woman you loved?”
Amr: “Of course not.
Where could I possibly find one?”
Ahmed: “You know it’s different when you sleep with a woman you love, right?”
Amr: “Definitely.”
Ahmed: “Long story short,
If you want to live with a woman you love,
You have to marry her.
And you need to have money to get married.
Her father will not ask about your personality or values.
He’ll ask you about your family,
Where you live,
What kind of car you drive,
Your father’s job,
Your father’s friends,
The sporting club you go to,
Where you spend your summer,
And so on.
He’ll basically want to know how much money you have,
And where you’ll live with his daughter,
And whether you'll be able to provide for her.
Money is an important aspect in marriage now.
It comes before love.
It comes before values and chivalry.
Ahmed: “You know what?
Fuck marriage if it’s that complicated.
If I like a woman,
I should be able to easily marry her.
That’s how it was done back in the day.
That’s how Adam and Eve got married.
You know what?
Adam is lucky because Eve didn’t have a father.
It’s so depressing, man.
I’m as repressed as the men who harass women on the street.
I don’t intend to get married this way.
I’ll just keep burning my lungs away with cigarettes,
And numb my soul with hash.
I’ll spend my time in cafes,
And on PlayStation.”
Amr: “I get by with a little help from my friends.”
Ahmed: “Shut up, you foreigner.
There’s a song by Sayed Darwish that he wrote 100 years ago,
It says: It’s better for a woman to be locked up at home until she gets married,
Than to fool around.”