I’m not a woman, right?
I’m no longer a woman, am I?
How can I be a woman,
If I don’t get my period every month?
A little thing was gone,
And with it a lot of blood was lost.
My secrets were gone with it.
Where will I keep my secrets now?
My secrets were swarming inside me,
With no place to go,
So they could come out and face the world.
I didn’t plan anything.
It was a coincidence.
A happy coincidence.
I prepared for the new guest inside me,
And laid a blanket out for it.
I still don’t know what happened.
It felt as if something was falling,
With nothing to break its fall.
It was the last time I felt movement inside me,
Pushing and moving,
Without my instruction,
Pushing itself to meet the world.
I tried to pretend it was my appendix.
I kept buying stuff,
And waiting for a surprise every month.
I miss him,
Even though I’ve never met him,
Or felt his presence.
How could I miss him?
I’m scared my fingers will feel this absence.
I’m afraid of the sea now,
Like all girls.
I play with the sand on the shore.
I make the same preparations every month,
So I don’t feel the emptiness inside.
I thought that since I’m no longer a woman,
I wouldn’t want anything.
But turns out I was mistaken.
This makes me feel like I didn’t lose a big thing.
I used to sit in the darkness for a long time,
Thinking about the gap,
The void inside me.
I was surrounded by darkness.
“Where am I?” I’d ask tearfully.
I miss the pink blanket,
That I never outgrew.
But the worst thing of all,
Is that I get cold in winter now,
And in summer too.