Don’t Be Surprised

I know that what I’m about to say is normal for a lot of people.
But everyone thinks their problems are important to them,
Even if they aren’t that big of an issue.

Domestic violence ruined my life.
I just turned eighteen,
And I want to die.
When I was young,
Mama used to hit me,
Although she used to say that I didn’t make as many mistakes as my brother.
She also used to say that I’m smart and mature.
If so, why did she treat me that way?
Why did she hit me for peeing myself,
When she could’ve tried to figure out why I was struggling with it?
Why did she hit me for putting on lipstick as a child,
When she could’ve just told me not to?
Why did she hit me with belts, cables and shoes,
When she could’ve reasoned with me?
I was a child, who was trying things out for the first time,
And learning right from wrong.

Why did you hit me mama,
When I told the math teacher at school that I was not able to study,
Because there was no one to help me at home?
I didn’t even tell him that my parents couldn’t help me,
Because they did not receive any education.
Why did you force me to do things against my will?
Do you really not care about how I feel?

Baba hit me twice.
I’ll never forget that,
Even though I love him very much.
And I love that he learned how to better deal with me later on.

Why did you bang my head against the wall,
When I was 12 years old,
Because I didn’t do as you said?
Mama is the reason I tried to commit suicide when I was twelve.
She’s the reason I suffer from depression,
Although I’m still in ninth grade—
Supposedly one of the best periods of my life.

I’d like to tell her,
Don't be surprised that I hate you,
And that I hate being at home.
Do not be surprised if I kill myself,
Or run away.
Don’t be surprised that I am hot-tempered.
My life is ruined because of you.

All mothers should understand,
That physical violence is the worst way you could discipline someone,
Especially children,
Because it causes irreversible psychological damage.
You think you’re discipling your daughter or son,
But you’re actually ruining their lives forever.

Warning The stories on our story archive could contain potentially sensitive and/or triggering material. If a story causes you discomfort or pain, please remember to breathe and check in with yourself before continuing or stop reading completely if necessary.