Afraid to Hold My Hand

I’m a 22 year old girl,
And many of my problems revolve around the way I look.
I’m overweight,
And I’m considered to be the fattest girl in my family.
Ever since I was little,
I’ve been asked questions like,
“Why aren’t you thin?”
“Where do you get your fatness from?’
“Do you eat your siblings’ food?”
They make fun of me,
And repeatedly bully me.
Many others go through the same thing.

Another problem I have is my sensitive skin.
I always have acne on my body, hands, and face,
Especially since they’re always exposed to the sun.
I remember my classmates being afraid to hold my hand during the morning assembly.
I used to go late,
So I could stand alone at the back

I’ve gone to several dermatologists,
To no avail.
It’s not curable,
And I have to live with it,
And endure people’s talk, pity,
And comments about my skin all the time.

I also have curly hair.
People ask me why my hair isn’t “straight and soft” like my mother’s,
Even though I really like the way it looks.
When I straighten it,
People tell me how beautiful it is,
And that I should keep that way always.
Straightening my hair bothers me.
I don’t like how it looks.
People’s comments make me unhappy,
And I don’t know how to love myself.

I don’t know how to love myself as I am.
It’s always diets, dermatologists, and hair products,
Like those things are my only goals in life.
I like school,
And I want to succeed academically,
But how am I going to succeed if going to university feels so heavy?

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