I'm going to start off by listing some of the comments that scarred me for life:

French teacher,
Bragging about her daughter's perfect 50ish kg weight,
While my classmates,
15 year olds,
Join the discussion.
Some are below that weight,
Some slightly above,
But everyone in the room was of a normal weight except me.
I'm absolutely silent, of course,
As I’m literally "the elephant in the room.”
Then all of a sudden,
My teacher stares at me, shouting: "You should listen to this!”
I faked a little smile,
Though my heart was shattering to pieces,
And nodded without uttering a word.

Best Friend.
We were at a Cairo Runners 5k event.
They were handing out t-shirts.
I was really nervous,
Because I'd almost gained back half the weight I’d lost a year ago due to IBS and BED,
I laughed the situation off, saying,
“I think I should get an x-large,”
She then laughed and said, "Double x-large".

Another time, we met after like a month or so,
And my eating disorder, BED (Binge Eating Disorder),
Was at a slight peak,
So I'd put on a noticeable amount of weight.
First thing she commented on when she saw me, of course,
Was how much weight I’d gained.
I laughed it off again, of course.

As a result of that comment:
I locked myself in the house,
And I turned down every outing with friends.
I didn't want them to comment on my weight gain because it broke my heart.
I know I've gained weight.
I don't need you pointing it out.
I've lost a considerable amount of friends and weight since then.

I followed a VLCD (Very Low Calorie Diet),
500-800 cal, combined with 16:8 IF (Intermittent Fasting)
And I lost a lot of weight.
Then my graduation day came.
I was still fatter than the last time all these people had seen me.
So I expected the "You've gained weight” comments,
When I'd actually been killing myself to lose weight.
Oh yeah, and I used to do 1-2 hours of cardio on a stationary bike at home every other day.
And of course what I expected happened.
A friend of mine commented, in a rather different way:
She showed me her before and after transformation,
Telling me that she was sure I could lose the weight.

Fast forward two months, I did.
But I didn't lose the weight of that comment,
At the most insecure I've been about my weight,
On the morning of a day that should've been special and memorable,
The day turned into a nightmare.
I went back home and binged.

I loved this friend.
I know she didn't mean any harm.
She was just encouraging me,
But the timing was severely off,
And she did it in front of other people,
So it was really awkward and embarrassing.
A comment that scarred me for life.
I've lost this friend.
Every time she tells me she misses me and wants to see me,
I come up with some excuse, fearing comments about my body.

Street harassment:
A guy shouts from a car, "Go on a diet!”

Public transport:
There was this lady on the microbus who refused to get down to let us in,
So I squeezed past her through a teeny-tiny space,
The man behind me insisted that she move,
So she said, “Well, that fat girl managed to get in!”
I had my headphones on.
Nothing was playing,
But I pretended I didn't hear what she had said.

My cousins.
In the midst of my battling an eating disorder,
Nobody:
Absolutely nobody:
My little cousin: "Why are you so fat?"
Another cousin, jokingly:
"This wouldn't even fit on your finger, because you're fat.”
Another cousin, again jokingly: "You're gonna eat the whole fridge now.”
I was just going to get water,
But that comment made me binge on 3.5k calories.

Grandmother from father’s side body shamed me my whole life.
I hate that woman.

Everybody:
Giving weight loss advice I never asked for,
Giving advice on nutrition,
While on normal days I eat a very healthy diet,
Even on binge days.
Before gaining so much weight,
I binged on healthy foods.
After gaining a lot of weight, I binged on sugary crap.
They advise me to be more active, assuming I never exercise,
While in fact I maintain a healthy, active lifestyle.
It's just my eating disorder curse that almost always has total power over me.
It ruins everything for me.
It's not a normal state;
It’s an uncontrollable state.

I've lost and gained the weight 3 times now,
Going sometimes from obese to overweight or normal,
And back to overweight or obese again.
The weightloss cycles are due to BED and BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder).
Meaning I always see myself as ugly no matter what.
When I feel extra ugly, I binge.
I gain weight, feel ugly, then binge till a critical point,
To a point where something happens,
And I break the BDD cycle to lose weight.
This has been going on for a decade now.

BDD has kept me from exercising in public.
Last year I reached a milestone,
When I started walking on the club’s track every day.
A couple of months ago,
I hit another milestone,
When I ran in public for the first time.
A couple of days ago,
I joined a nearby gym.
I'm now one week binge-free,
A few days before I joined the gym.

BED is a serious eating disorder,
As serious as anorexia,
But very few know about it.
I'm not focused now on losing weight,
As much as I am with coping with the monster that causes the weight gain in the first place.