Me and My Depression

Me and My Depression

Sleeping too much or not sleeping at all.
Constant crying.
An appetite for nothing.
I don’t even want to breathe.
I’m neglecting my work,
And I can’t stand anyone.
I’m failing at school,
And I’m losing my friends.
No one stays with me.
I don’t blame them.
I can’t even tolerate myself.

I’ve started believing that I don’t deserve good things.
That I don’t deserve to live.
I feel alone,
Despite the many people around me.
I could see the pity in the eyes of those trying to help me.
I feel helpless and unworthy.
There’s no point to anything.
Why am I even here?

I went to a doctor.
I would take meds for two days and then stop.
Depression and other disorders.
I hurt myself physically and psychologically.
Several suicide attempts.
I ended up in the hospital each time.
“Your life isn’t lacking anything. Why are you doing this?”
It’s lacking me.
I don’t see myself.
And when I do,
I see myself as the ugliest creature alive..

I doubt everything.
I hate the world and everything in it.
I try to get closer to God,
But I can't find any answers.
I’m waiting for Him to help me.
I tell myself that He will definitely help me.
I’ll definitely get better.

I try to commit suicide,
And end up in a coma.
I feel better when I wake up,
And try to walk a little.

I’m doing better in life now.
I’m trying to live.
But my depression is still with me.
It follows me like a shadow.
I’m trying and trying.

Depression is a fatal illness.
It needs help and support.
I hope anyone who suffers from it gets better,
And finds loved ones, family, and friends to help them.

Warning The stories on our story archive could contain potentially sensitive and/or triggering material. If a story causes you discomfort or pain, please remember to breathe and check in with yourself before continuing or stop reading completely if necessary.