That Kind of Mother

I’ve always struggled with how my parents treated me,
And the way they looked at me because of my body shape.
I’ve been struggling with obesity,
Ever since I hit puberty.
It’s a genetic thing,
Not only about what I eat.
My mother never gave me a break.
She would call me a “cow”
Or “fatso.”
I hated my body and how I looked.
I hated my life and everything in it.
According to their standards of beauty,
I’m considered a pretty girl.
I was constantly told,
“You’d be perfect if only you lost weight.”
It’s as if their acceptance of me hinges on how my body looked.

I’m a wife and a mother now,
And I still struggle with the things my mother used to tell me as a child.
All my attempts to lose weight failed.
But, I have a better relationship with my body now.
It still hurts when I see my parents,
And to see the way they look at me.
It makes me remember everything they did to me.

I decided to never be that kind of mother.
I decided to take care of myself and my health;
For me, not for anyone else.
I decided to love myself however my body looked;
Whether I stayed fat, or went on a diet, or lost weight.

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