Mama likes to make remarks about everything:
“Why do you look like that?”
“Why do you look pale?”
“Why are there dark circles under your eyes?”
“Why are there dark spots around your mouth?”
“Why are you eating like that?”
“Why are your fingers so long?”
Can you imagine,
The effect those words have had on me,
And my mental health,
For the past 25 years?
Then there’s the constant complaining about me,
To everyone.
Even though I don’t think I’m that bad.
I know she wants me to be beautiful,
But she doesn’t know how to do that.
The outcome,
Is an insecure person,
With absolutely no self-confidence.
I’m overwhelmed by the feeling of being a failure,
All the time.
I sometimes don’t think too much of it,
But other times,
I feel sorry for myself,
And cry over her treatment of me,
That lacks any sort of humanity.
I’m trying to build my character,
In the midst of all this.
A strong, understanding character.
One that is confident,
So I could be a good mother one day.