I had been searching for an apartment for a long time.
I had to sleep in his office several times.

He was like a father to me.
He’s the one that encouraged this idea.
He’d always tell me that I’m his daughter,
And that he’s proud of me.
I searched for a godfather after my father’s passing.
It made me happy that he considered me like a daughter to him.
I finally found a godfather, I thought.
That was the basis of our relationship.

Our relationship grew stronger with time.
He helped me look for an apartment,
And would stay with me when I had to sleep in his office or on the street.
He would feed me and listen to my problems.
I used to change into my pajamas when I slept in his office.
I felt safe.

He hugged me one day.
It felt wrong.
I wasn’t comfortable with the hug.
Then, I felt something strange.
It made me even more uncomfortable.
I hoped it wasn’t what I thought it was.
It couldn’t be.
I hope nothing happens.
I hope he stops.

He turned my face towards him and tried to kiss me.
I resisted him.
I refused.
I tried to stop him with my hand and turned my face the other way.
I resisted for a while, but then it felt as if my brain had stopped functioning.
I was no longer in control of my body.
I closed my eyes and prayed that it wouldn’t get violent.
Please God, let there be no hitting.

He took my clothes off and moved me somewhere else.
I don’t remember what happened in the middle.
Thank God I don’t remember the details.
It’s enough that I remember the beginning and the end.

He turned me over on my back after a while.
He was trying to penetrate me from behind,
Because he knew I was a virgin.
He kept trying, but he couldn’t get it in.
I was hurting.
I was in pain, but he thought I was enjoying it, so he tried harder.
After several attempts, he stopped.
“Did you enjoy it?” he asked.
“Now do you believe I’m a man?”

I told our mutual friends what happened and when they confronted him, he said,
“I wasn’t conscious. I took a painkiller for a headache and couldn’t feel a thing.”
But then another time he said,
“She’s a whore. She’s the one who wanted it.”

I’m still not over it.
My body and my rights have been violated.
I couldn’t defend myself.
I couldn’t say anything.