She left me

I’m 23 years old. I’ve been living on my own for two years now.
Two years ago, I was in a relationship with a girl I really loved.
No, I mean really, really, really, loved.
To me, she represented everything good in life, and I gave her everything good in mine.
She didn’t leave a single good thing behind to help me cope with her loss.
She left me because of my financial situation.
I’m alone now. Completely alone.

I remember her every night before I go to bed,
and she’s on my mind as soon as I wake up.
I can’t do anything anymore because of her.
I sit alone between these four walls and wonder:
“Did I deserve what she did to me? Is she the bad one here? Or did I do something to upset her?”
I want to understand how things ended up this way.
I tried getting close to her again, but she shut me out.
Did she ever love me? but she did give herself up to me completely …
We were engaged.
How could she just break off the engagement and throw away all the good things we had together?
Forget about me, what about her?
How will she be able to face her fate now that she’s lost her virginity to me?
What if a scandal breaks out because of me? Am I a bad person for ruining her life?
But I didn’t leave her.

I need answers to the questions I keep asking myself.
I now go through every day alone. I don’t speak. I stay silent.
I only hear my voice when I speak to myself, to make sure I haven’t lost the ability to speak.
I wish she were still here. I wish life hadn’t stopped when she left.
I wanted to live with her. I want to know where things went wrong.

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