HIV Positive

I am a 23-year-old guy.
I come from a well-known family.
I graduated a year ago from business school.
From the moment I was born,
My life has been full of suffering.
My father was very harsh on me and my siblings,
But I was almost the only one affected by his cruelty.
He used to beat me over the smallest mistakes.
He used to humiliate me,
Call me names in front of people,
And degrade me in front of my friends.
I turned out weak,
And I’ve had low self-esteem ever since I was little.

Around this time,
When I was 5 or 6-years-old,
I started realizing I was attracted to people of my own gender.
I didn’t know that it was inappropriate or wrong,
But I wasn’t able to control the attraction I felt.

Things escalated,
And I had sex for the first time when I was 10.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that when I was four,
I was molested by someone who was 20,
Do you know who that person was?
This person was my older brother.
Yes, I swear he used to molest me.
I remember it exactly, all the details.

As I grew up,
My desires continued to increase.
I started having sex daily.
I felt like I was a whore.
It was a very dirty feeling.
I despised myself so much during sex,
Because I didn’t even like doing it.

I wanted to be a normal person, like the rest of the boys.
I wanted to be into girls and have sex with girls.
I tried to go to therapists for help,
Because I’m convinced that homosexuality
Is nothing more than a psychological disorder.
No offense to anyone who thinks that homosexuality is normal.

I became introverted and hostile,
And I became overly sensitive.
I don’t know how to describe how I feel right now writing this story,
But a bigger disaster happened to me.
Around a year ago, I went to get tested because I was a little tired.
The doctor told me I was HIV positive.
Yes, I have AIDS!

I want you to weep over my lost youth,
For the sadness that dominates my life.
Mourn my youth, grieve it.
My family hates me,
They don’t let me sit with them, and they won’t eat with me.
My life is ruined.

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