We’re four siblings;
Two girls and two boys.
We aren’t close, because of what our father put us through when we were young.
We grew afraid of commitment, marriage,
Or anything like that.
It started with seeing our mama getting beaten up with a belt.
We couldn’t do anything but cry and scream.

As we grew up,
We hated that person even more.
It was difficult to call him “baba.”
I used to tell myself that we’d be better off,
If my mama left him.
We had our share of violence.
We used to get beaten with a belt,
And any other object along the way,
Until I would pee myself.
I still remember when he broke my finger when I was young.
He wouldn’t take me to the hospital for two days,
Thinking it was just a bruise,
Then it turned out to be a fracture.

None of us will forgive him for torturing my mother.
He used to take advantage of her,
And take money from her.
He would give her just enough money for the water and electricity bills.
She had to make do.
We weren’t given allowances as kids.
She used to give us just enough money to cover our expenses.

We currently work,
And try to make up for mama’s bad choice.
The choices that made our lives hell.
I pray she finds solace when she goes to heaven.
I pray we also find solace,
For all the suffering we’ve been through.

No one knows who someone truly is, except for God.
That’s why when someone tells me, “We can't wait to see you in a white dress,”
It no longer bothers me.