I’m the boss.
Honestly, I used to get these negative thoughts;
Thoughts that are full of violence and rage.
It was as if I was waiting to explode and let everything out.

But there are moments when I look at the other person with humanity,
That they’re helpless, and won’t be able to return the blow.
The result is that most of the time I opt for mercy,
Or mild punishment, that could teach them, and possibly change them,
And leave them with a good impression,
But I rarely use violence.

I was like a lion in a cage that is chained down,
On the inside I was a volcano that was about to erupt,
But on the outside, I was very calm,
Because I had no power to change anything.
I was like two completely different people at once,
I was one person on the inside, and a completely different person on the outside.

I feel that I’m chained,
That I’m suffocating,
That my freedom means nothing.
That I must obey the orders that I’m given,
Even if I don’t like them or don’t believe in them.
I feel like I’m good for nothing,
That I’m only here to obey orders,
For the sake of other people’s comfort.

This reminds me of a card game
Where the loser had to do a dare.
When I used to get dared,
I felt that someone is trapping me and I must do whatever they tell me.
But when I was the one deciding on the dares,
I used to feel that I want to have my revenge.
It’s like when someone hits you and you get the chance to hit them back