Was It My Fault?

“Everybody leaves, sooner or later
Just make sure when they do, you hold on to your dignity.
That's what matters the most,” she said.

It has been rough.
I have been through so much.
I no longer want to ignore what's happening to me, around me.
I feel angry most of the time and empty.
I feel sad and alone.
I wonder why I care about people who don't care for me?

I met him, and I had this strong physical attraction to him.
He was sexy.
We were both attracted to each other.
We slept together twice.
But, it was really scary.
There was blood everywhere.
I was not a virgin then, and I had no idea where all that blood came from.
I didn’t freak out though,
But he panicked.

He never touched me again.
I couldn't stop asking myself.
Why would he do that?
Was it my fault?
No, it was not.
I felt rejected and needy and childish.
I felt ashamed.
And small.

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