Live Wire

I kissed two women for the first time in my life today at a party.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a kiss on the mouth.
It was a peck on the cheek.
Just a normal kiss; the way you’d kiss a guy friend.

You’ll think it’s weird,
But when you know my story,
You’ll applaud me for being able to overcome the barrier between me and the other sex,
Or for being a normal human being,
Who is not afraid of anything.

I told you you’ll think it’s weird,
When you find out about me,
And my upbringing.
I’m the eldest of three brothers.
My mother never had a daughter.
She still wishes she’d have one.
She warned us not to deal with girls under any circumstances;
She was afraid that we would harm them, the way men take advantage of girls in movies
How men would manipulate and even assault women.
She was always worried about things like that;
“what if I had a daughter?”
“Would I let this happen to her?”
She would say
“That which you do not wish upon other girls,
You should never wish upon your daughters.”
She would tell us not to talk to girls,
So we wouldn’t fall for them,
Nor lust after them.
She never told us this directly, but she didn’t even want us to look at them,
She’d say, “behaved boys don’t check out girls.”

Our father’s role in this was another matter.
He’d hate when we’d play with girls in the street.
He’d hit us just because we wanted to discover our bodies.
It was borderline torture.
He would pour hot wax on my penis.
It’s as if he was saying, “Is this what you want to discover?
I’ll make you fear touching it.
This will always be your punishment,
If you do it again.”
What kind of sadism is this?

I consider this male circumcision.
Circumcision, especially female circumcision,
is performed to make women fear that area of their bodies.
This is especially true for girls who have experienced its pain.

Male circumcision is not just about removing the penis’ foreskin,
Especially if it’s performed at an older age.
The main purpose behind it is to make us fear using it,
For anything other than peeing.

The way they tortured me,
managed to scare me of letting anyone come near my penis,
Or even turn me on.

I think you understand now,
Why I avoided women.
I overcame the fear of speaking to them, when I turned eighteen years old.
I started shaking their hands—although I wasn’t the one who’d initiate it,
But I never hugged or kissed someone on the cheek.

I tried to overcome this barrier as well,
But due to the difficulties women face in our rotten society,
They developed an aversion to being touched.
I know this from my friends.
I always feared they’d misunderstand me,
Or think I’m harassing them.

But today, at 21, I discovered something new,
After I kissed two friends on the cheek,
Which I also didn’t initiate,
I realized that these kisses were not lustful or sexual.
It was like kissing a male friend.

I’m happy I overcame this barrier,
And made that discovery.
I know you’ll feel sorry for me.
But I invite you to be happy for me—
I found out that women aren’t made of live wire.

Warning The stories on our story archive could contain potentially sensitive and/or triggering material. If a story causes you discomfort or pain, please remember to breathe and check in with yourself before continuing or stop reading completely if necessary.