They’ve Stopped Taking Me Seriously

I used to have a good body.
Then, one year,
I gained a lot of weight,
Because of health issues.
People have been treating me differently ever since.
They even look at me differently,
Even though I’m still the exact same person.

I get comments and unsolicited opinions about my weight.
People think that just because I’m overweight,
They’re allowed to make comments about my body.

My life now revolves around suggestions like,
“I know an amazing dietician,”
“Gastric bypass surgery is great,”
“You need to lose weight,
Otherwise no one will look at you,”
And “Have you tried crossfit?”
I didn’t see myself as ugly,
But I started to,
Especially after the apparent consensus that I’d become spme strange creature,
And the amount of comments I’d been getting from every single—no exaggeration— person I knew.
Even from my friends, family, and my mother,
Who thought I was an embarrassment.
I stopped liking shopping,
Because what difference would clothes make?
I was ugly no matter what.
I stopped liking going out,
Even though I hated spending too much time at home.
But when I stayed home,
I could avoid being given annoying advice,
From people who were afraid for my health.

My health did start to deteriorate,
Because despite what people may think,
I’m actually a very sensitive person,
And the littlest things get to me.
I used to get compliments about how I looked.
Now I get criticism.
“How do you even look at yourself in the mirror?”
Someone once asked me.
But I always dealt with the criticism and ridicule with humor,
Because I didn’t want to appear rude,
And I was afraid people would stop loving me.

People stopped taking me seriously.
It was always assumed that my weight was behind anything negative in my life,
Even though all my health problems stemmed from the criticism I got from people, friends, and family.
People have no idea how much their words can affect someone else.

I have thought a lot about commiting suicide,
And I’ve attempted it countless times.
I have lost my passion for the things that used to make me happy.
I’ve even come to avoid those things,
Lest they do make me happy,
And someone comes along and ruins it for me.
My life has become horrible.

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