I don’t know where to start. I’m all mixed up.
But I’ve decided to tell my story in the hopes that one day,
no girl will ever have to go through humiliation, physical abuse, or psychological abuse.
No matter how much she loves or is close to her abuser.
I’m telling my story because I don’t want my daughter to go through this.

I was in a relationship with someone for 9 years.
I thought he was the best thing I’d been blessed with.
The love of my life.

I first met him when I was still young and innocent.
I was ready to do anything for him. Jump off a building.
Dedicate myself and my entire life to him.
His wish was my command.

At first, he would ask me to do certain things,
because he loved me and wanted to protect me.
But then he started to become domineering and controlling.

We eventually got engaged.
Those were the best days of my life.
Even though most of our engagement days were full of problems and fighting.
But leaving him was not an option for me.
I saw him as part of myself. Him and I were one person and shared one soul.
Separation was impossible.

Later on, we got married.
Life was beautiful at the beginning.
He always tried to make me happy.
I used to wait for him to come back from work every evening, so that we could sit around and chat or watch a movie together.

Then other problems began to arise.
One day, he made the sudden decision to get rid of our television,
claiming that it was “brainwashing and influencing” me.
Another time, after our first fight, he took my mobile away.
“You’re never seeing this phone again.”
He was so angry that I was afraid he’d do something to me.
“I don’t want to hear a sound.”
“I don’t want to hear your voice.”
“What is this shit?”, he’d exclaim whenever we sat down for lunch.
And he’d throw the food in my face.
I was scared of him.

When his uncle tried to intervene and fix things between us, I was terrified of speaking up.
“This is my home, she is my wife, and I’m free to do as I please” he told him.
He’d yell and curse at me in front of other people.
He’d even do so in front of his own family.
One time he even told them, in front of me,
“I’m going to take a second wife. I’m sick of how stupid she is.”

I’d make him tea while we were with his family, and he’d say,
“This tastes disgusting. Make me another one.”
Things got worse when he left work and was at home most of the time.
He wanted me to obey his every whim!
He was always belittling me, my personality, and my opinions.
He even told me so.
And when he realized I wasn’t going to change, his love for me started to wane.

One time, when we were in the car,
 I asked him to drop me off at Carrefour Alexandria to buy a few things.
“Why didn’t you tell me beforehand? I’m not taking you anywhere. Get out!”, he yelled.
He made me get out in an abandoned area.
I didn’t know where I was, because I went everywhere with him.
“But the girl is with me. What am I supposed to do?”
“This is your fault, so you have to handle the consequences.”
I stood there not knowing what to do. I decided to start walking until I found a main road.
Five minutes later, he turned around and came back.
“Get in before I come over there and grab you by your hair.”

When we got back home he pushed me onto the bed and tied my hands together.
“Change your clothes”, he demanded.
I got scared. Maybe he was afraid I’d pick up and leave.
I changed my clothes and sat on the couch outside.
“Why are you doing all this?” I asked.
“You’ve got some nerve, asking me that”, he said.
He closed all the windows and brought out a belt.
He pushed me onto the couch and beat me with the belt all over my body for twenty minutes.
I couldn’t believe that someone I loved could do this to me.
“Enough...enough”, I kept saying.
I tried to push him away with my foot and get his hand away from me,
but he was stronger than I was.
It got to a point where I said,
“Hit me all you want. You’re a weak man. If you were strong, you’d talk to me, not hit me.”

The next day, I got up, made food, and waited for him to apologize.
To take me into his arms and say he didn’t mean to.
I didn’t tell anyone.
What was I going to say?
I tried to wear clothes that fully covered my body so my daughter wouldn’t see the bruises.
I had trouble sleeping and cried all the time.

I always made excuses for him, even when he hit me.
Even when he got involved with another woman.
I’d endure it all and stay silent.
When I told my mother-in-law, she said,
“Let me be honest with you. Either you endure your life with him or you leave him and live your own life. I’m giving you this advice as I would to my daughter.”

After our last fight, he told my father I could come back home on one condition:
That my father slaps me in front of the entire family.
Needless to say, my father refused.
And we separated.

If I could go back in time, maybe I would have decided not to get back into the car with him after he had left me in the middle of the road.