Last week I had an argument with my ex.
He confronted me in public.
All because he found out that my daughter and I have jobs.
“You shouldn't be working!” he said.
How can we not work when he doesn't pay me any child support?!
My older sister supports me financially,
And it upsets me that she does.
“We’re going to work,” I told him, “Stay out of our business.”
I left him and took my daughter to go get food,
Then I passed by my older sister’s to tell her what happened.
She told me to go meet her at my apartment.
I opened the door and found him inside.
He had climbed up the pipes in the building shaft.
“This is my apartment,” he exclaimed, “Leave!”
I tried to talk some sense into him.
I fell down from all the hitting.
I continued to try and calm him down.
“Leave us alone, and mind your own business,” our daughter said.
In a rage, he started beating the two of us until I passed out.
My daughter and I went to the hospital.
I didn't regain consciousness until the doctor put rubbing alcohol under my nose.

People crowded around.
“How can you be a sheikh and attack her after you divorced her?” they asked.
“She’s still my wife until the divorce is final!”
His wife! What wife?
I kept quiet out of fear of my brothers.
But now, I’m not scared, and my voice is no longer quiet.
I always did what was expected of me.
I was patient.
I said we would continue living together for the children.
But now I don't want him anymore.
Neither sharia law or religion would make me go back to him.

I can’t live with someone I don't want,
Just because everyone says I should go back to him.
What made me hate him was that he never cared if I was tired.
He never said a nice word to me.
He just wanted someone to sleep with and that’s it.

When he decided to take on another wife,
He came to see me every day and tell me how much he only loved me.
After we divorced, he’d praise her and say I only cared about money.
Yeah, well, I have kids.
Of course I need money.
But she doesn't have kids.
She just wants to get laid.

I wanted to kill myself,
But my stomach still hurts from the last time I tried.
Sometimes I think about leaving and not telling anyone.
I feel like I have no worth, no purpose.
My ex told me, “I didn't give you the apartment.
I left you in it, so I could keep an eye on you.”
I told him I was going to live my life and get married.
“When that happens,” he said, “I’ll get rid of you like an old, dirty rag.”
I can’t get married,
But he can bring me a child and ask for my opinion before he marries her!

My brothers don’t care or ask after me.
To them, my divorce is akin to a disaster.
They’re upset because I didn’t sing their praises, and instead I got divorced
And if I did praise them.
They would have taken my kids away from me.
Praise them and lose my kids!
They don't matter to me.
What matters is my children.
It’s as if my brothers are dead,
And I don’t need to talk well of them again.

I wish for a good man.
Someone who can give me love and affection.
I feel like I’m still a child, like my daughter.
I am still young,
And I’ll live my life,
And I won’t care about anyone.
If I want to take off my niqab, I will.
I’m from Upper Egypt,
And I can be as stubborn as a mule.