The first time I got it,
I thought I had injured my privates.
The pain, the shock of seeing blood—it was all new to me.
I had no idea what was going on.
I was extremely embarrassed,
Of myself and of my body and what was happening to it.
I couldn’t tell mama.
We never talked about my body.
She never told me that this was something natural.
Something I should expect.
We weren’t close.
Not in a way that would compel me to rush and tell her what was going on.
It was quite the opposite.

I decided to deal with it on my own.
I was 11 at the time.
I hid it from everyone.
I placed tissues in my underwear.
And washed my underwear.
And I kept checking to see if the bleeding had stopped.
I had no knowledge about this.
I lived those few days in fear and anxiety.
I felt like I had a secret.
Like I’d done something wrong.
I felt embarrassed till it was over.
I had no idea at the time that this was a monthly affair.
That this would keep going on.

Unfortunately, the next time I got it,
I was out at a store with my family.
My clothes became a mess.
It became really obvious what as going on,
So I had to tell mama.
It would have made a huge difference,
If someone had told me beforehand that this was a natural thing that happened to all girls.
That there was no need for all the fear and embarrassment.