This is the first time I tell this story to anyone.
I didn’t even tell the people closest to me.
Even my therapist doesn’t know anything about this story.
I feel sad and angry telling it.
I hate my body.

I’m a boy and I’ve had gynecomastia (enlarged male breasts) ever since I was young.
I used to tell myself that it’s not a big deal,
And that it’s only a matter of years and it will go away.
Unfortunately, this ruined my teenage years.
I can’t seem to forget every person who’s ever gazed at my breasts while I was talking to them.

I can’t forget this one time when I was young:
I was with a relative.
He owned a store, and I was filling up water from the store next door.
The owner of that store pinched my boobs,
Like it was a joke, and he laughed.
But the pinch hurt me more emotionally than it did physically.
Even though this was over 7 years ago,
And I still see that man,
I can’t let it go.

I also can’t forget this time three years ago,
When I met with my father’s friend to give him something,
And he pretended to brush something off my chest.
I honestly don’t know why he did that.

I get a lot of comments and I take them lightly,
But when one of my friends tries to make a joke about it by touching me,
I start getting aggressive.
Perhaps to feel masuline,
To feel like a man.

I’m not going to lie,
I feel pathetic writing this,
Just thinking about the judgements people are going to make about me when they read this,
Made me consider deleting this over a thousand times.
I hate my body.
No matter how much I try to show that I accept and love it,
And that I don’t care about what anyone thinks.
The looks I get upset me.
I know what a girl feels when someone leers at her.
Because of this I might have experienced just a tiny bit of what they do,
And what they experience is horrible.