We were together the previous day.
We met to make up after our big fight.
We talked things out and hugged each other.
He drove me home and waited for me to reach the door.
It was unusual how he couldn’t stop smiling at me. Whenever I’d turn back, I’d find him smiling.
I was over the moon with happiness.
I was waiting for him to send me a text that night telling me how happy he was.
But strangely enough, he didn’t send anything.
When I found a message from him in the morning, I thought it was the one I was waiting for.
“I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.”
I read the message, put my phone aside, and went back to sleep.
I read it again 10 minutes later.
I would read it every 10 minutes waiting for something to change.
I started to feel faint.
I felt I was slipping away. I could feel a pain in my chest.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t eat.
I was trying to convince myself this wasn’t actually happening.
My body refused to believe it.
It refused to believe that my heart got broken.
I went to see my shrink and told her I felt there was a hole inside me.
Give me something, anything. I’m not happy this way.
It’s like someone plunged their hand deep inside, took something, and left.
There's a painful emptiness inside me. I feel it every time I try to swallow.
My throat aches.
I know that tomorrow will be better and that this is normal and it happens, and all that.
But that doesn't change the fact that I can't take it anymore, that I don't want to get out of bed.
I want everything to stop. I want my brain to shut down.
Something inside of me hurts so much.
Don't tell me it's okay and that this is normal.
Just give me anything to make the pain go away.