Renaming Myself Sami

“Are you proud of yourself?
You don’t look like a boy or a girl.
You look like a freak!”
These are the words I remember the most.
They remind me of puberty and the first time I got my period.
I was scared because everyone told me that,
Once I got my period and hit puberty,
A lot of things were going to change:
I wouldn’t be able to wear shorts anymore or ride bikes,
Or play with boys on the street.

I decided to go by the male name Sami,
And I beat up any kid that didn’t call me Sami.
I hid any sign of my boobs, and wore boy clothes.
My parents tried everything to convince me to act like a girl,
But I was very aggressive, and I ran away twice.
So they lost hope.

I vividly remember,
More than anything else,
The words my mom said,
That day we went to the market.
She wasn’t acting like herself,
And when we got home,
She screamed in my face:
“Look in the mirror! Are you happy?
You don’t look like a boy or a girl.
You’re a freak!”

Warning The stories on our story archive could contain potentially sensitive and/or triggering material. If a story causes you discomfort or pain, please remember to breathe and check in with yourself before continuing or stop reading completely if necessary.