When I got out I felt like I was in a circus.
There was an implicit collective agreement to not talk about it.
And to surrender to depression.
I didn’t like that.
No one could understand what it was really like.
prison

I suffered a lot in there.
My mother didn’t visit me for 6 months.
No one but her visited me.
My father visited me twice in 10 years.
He wasn’t taking it well.
prison, bullying, parents, gender violence, sexual violence, addiction

No one visited him when he was in jail for 3 years. It was a difficult time for him.
He had to go through that struggle. He had to grow up and stop depending on us being there for him.
We had to stop visiting him.
That’s why he was afraid when he got out.
He was afraid of incarceration. He was afraid of the hardship.
prison, social stigma

I was on the run for 5 years. I rarely stayed at home.
And when I did, I couldn’t go out into the balcony or look out the window.
I would sneak in and out of the house like a thief.
I was arrested one day when I didn’t know I was being watched.
prison, social stigma

She was my neighbor and close friend.
She had finished all the payments for her apartment and everything.
But she had to pay late fees because she paid on the 10th instead of the 1st.
I didn’t know all this.
prison, friendship

We got out the day before Eid; we had received a pardon.
We woke up in the morning thinking it was just a regular day.
During the sports period, one of the inmates told us that we’d be getting out that day.
prison

I used to work at a library, and most of the people that visited were there for public funds.
I never stored things like an apple or a soda for my children when I was in prison.
I had a friend in there who would stash away anything that came her way for her children.
prison, parents

I feel like my children have become uneasy around me because of the time I did in jail.
They don’t treat me like I’m their mother.
“Well, you have been to jail,” my siblings say.
“You act like someone who’s been in jail.”
social stigma, prison

He was always suspicious of me.
Whenever he went out, he’d wedge a single hair between the door and the doorframe.
When he’d get back home, he’d check the door to see if I’d gone out.
His suspicions were very hard to deal with.
When God was going to bless us with a baby, my husband gave me an ultimatum: “It’s either me or the baby.”
So, I went and got an abortion.
motherhood, social stigma, domestic violence, prison, physical violence

The police officer was saying the most disgusting curse words when he was interrogating me.
I got my period at that moment.
“What is that?” he asked.
“Blood,” I said.
prison, social stigma