Every day, I feel guilty towards my daughter.
There was a time in my life when, unfortunately, I had looked up to certain people in my life and felt that I had to act like them.
One of those people was a cousin of mine.

I was lost.
I was trying to figure things out.
Where did I go wrong?
The anger I had inside me for wasting years of my life was projected onto my poor son.
I wanted to be selfish.
I wanted to love myself.
I’ve been through enough.
motherhood, marriage, divorce

I got pregnant with twins.
I suffered from postpartum depression for a year and two months after giving birth.
I had constant nervous breakdowns,
And would cry hysterically.
I was under so much pressure from my in-laws..

Why tie yourself down with a kid when you’re divorced?
No one will want to marry you.
It’s better that her father and grandmother raise her.
She’d belong to them and you could finally live your life freely.

I gave birth to my first child.
I used to hear about postpartum depression.
I thought it happened due to the changing body.
But when I experienced it myself, I found out that there are more reasons behind it.
It felt as if I was battling a monster.
mental health, depression, postpartum depression, motherhood, social pressure, social stigma

In my previous job, there was this poor lady that wanted to be friends with everyone.
“I’m going to have surgery,” she said one day with a certain look in her eyes.
I thought it’d be something gynecology related.
“I did the surgery,” she told me a couple of days later.

You’re not the greatest mother.
You think you are.
You don’t care about me.
You don’t show respect,
And you feel that the best way to treat my pain is to ignore it.

My daughters are the ones that keep me going,
And reassure my faith in God.
I hope we always stay together.
motherhood, family

Their idea of “protection” is misconstrued.
It’s no different than my father putting me inside a box.

In 2013, I worked as a quality engineer at Alstom.
I was pregnant at the time.
My home was in Sheikh Zayed and my work was in New Cairo.
I used to commute from Sheikh Zayed to New Cairo every day while pregnant.
motherhood, work