You were surrounded by a lot of people in the salon.
Everyone was congratulating you.
I was sitting away from you.
Outside the circle.
It was like I was sitting in a box at the theater.

One of my friends was interested in me.
He wanted to do certain things with me.
masculinity, parents, social pressure

For years, I never cried in front of anyone.
“Man up. You’re weak,”
My mother used to tell me.

Everyone believes that this piece of fabric not only covers my head, but my brain too, affecting its ability to function intellectually.
I’m always told that my actions and ideas don’t befit my headscarf.
People always expect me to act like a nun, and to always defend the headscarf and the conduct of every covered female.

I thought it was a small apartment,
But it turned out to be really big.
She wanted me to change her baby’s diapers,
And make them breakfast,
While she and her husband and baby were asleep.
I hated work because of her.
My job was supposed to be just cleaning and tidying.
social pressure, work

I covered my head in the tenth grade.
My brother—who had gone down the road of "piety and religious extremism"—forced me to wear the headscarf.
Since my older sister wasn't veiled—there's a 10 year difference between us and she's also older than him—

My dad was engaged to a woman called Aida before he married my mom. Mom used to ask him, "Why did you break it off with her?"

Am I ugly? Yes, I wasn’t beautiful, or maybe that’s what they wanted me to believe.
I was chubbier than them. I wasn’t good at socializing like them. They made me think I was different.
body image, bullying, school, social pressure, beauty standards

Walk like a soldier.
Don’t you know how soldiers walk?
Eyes straight.
Back straight.
No swaying.

You gotta be a strong man.
You can’t be a teacher’s pet because that’d make you a sissy.
You gotta be clever.
And be friends with the right people.
You must have connections, and be in control.