Behind My Mother’s Back

Behind My Mother’s Back

I remember during my early teenage years,
When I’d go the beach with my family.
I was 2 or 3 kilos overweight.
Mama was constantly commenting on my weight and the way my body looked:
“I never thought I’d have a fat daughter.”

As a child,
I was also a little overweight.
Because of that,
Mama took every opportunity,
Whenever she saw me with food in hand,
To embarrass me in front of my siblings and other people.

I spent my teenage years,
Eating behind my mother’s back.
I hid when I was hungry.
I didn’t want to hear her comments.
My relationship with her is fraught with anxiety.

My time during university was better,
Because she travelled a lot.
She was out of my hair for a bit.
As a result, my body weight became better,
Because I stopped overeating out of anxiety and stubbornness.

One year, we didn’t see each other for several long months.
At the time,
I’d been suffering from depression,
Because of a number of things going on in my life.
I lost a lot of weight.
Her face lit up when she saw me.
“How’d you do it? How’d you lose all that weight?” she asked.
“I was depressed, so I rarely ate.”
“Bravo!” she said.
Now, whenever I’m around her, I feel the need to eat,
To ameliorate the anxiety she causes me.

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