Three years ago, on the same day as the death of my closest and best friend,
My first love and fiance walked out of my life without any prior warning.
He broke up with me via a single message sent over Whatsapp
depression, mental health, romantic relationships

Mama used to always tell me,
“I used to cry because you refused to eat.
You weighed only 8 kilos when you were five,
And you were going to die!”
When I turned 6,
I started gaining weight, and then gaining some more.
I started getting comments at home, then at school, then from society at large.
body image, beauty standards, bullying, mental health

I’m really upset, and I wish I could talk to someone.
Although I have so many friends, I always feel lonely and that no one will understand me.
I’ve thought a lot about going to a psychiatrist, but I’m afraid.
So I started talking to myself and replying as if I’m another person until I became fed up.
mental health, depression

I didn’t know that this was depression. No one knew.
Months passed and all I wanted was to stop crying.
What was going on?
6 months passed. I wanted the world to end.
I tried to commit suicide more than once.
mental health, depression

I gave birth to my first child.
I used to hear about postpartum depression.
I thought it happened due to the changing body.
But when I experienced it myself, I found out that there are more reasons behind it.
It felt as if I was battling a monster.
mental health, depression, postpartum depression, motherhood, social pressure, social stigma

Going to sleep is hard and waking up the next day is even harder.
“Why? What is the reason behind all this?”
“Are you under some sort of pressure?”
“I don’t know!” is the reply I always give.
mental health, depression, social pressure

Something hurts.
Something has made me stop feeling.
I even stopped doing the things I loved most.
Now, I do things just because I have to.
mental health, depression

Sleeping too much or not sleeping at all.
Constant crying.
An appetite for nothing.
I don’t even want to breathe.
I’m neglecting my work,
And I can’t stand anyone.
I’m failing at school,
And I’m losing my friends.
No one stays with me.
I don’t blame them.
I can’t even tolerate myself.

It started when I was in 8th grade after my third sister was born, and from the very first moment, I was forced to be her mother.
She even used to sleep in my arms when I had school early the next morning.
Every so often, I’d wake up to her crying
depression, mental health

I feel like my brain is clogged up.
My limbs are heavy and every little action requires a great deal of effort.
My muscles are tired and shaky.
They're so weak.
mental health, depression