I’m in love with a man who means the world to me.
We’ve been together for 3 years.
He’s married and has children,
But I still love him.
The money he makes from his job is not enough to sustain two families.
He decided to travel abroad to find a better job.
He’s been coming for short visits for three years.
He hasn’t been able to find a job and get a residence permit here.
He would tell me what to wear and what not to wear,
And he would tell me not to put on makeup.
He’d say that it was out of love and protection.
And I would do everything he’d tell me to do.
I stopped dressing up and putting on makeup whenever we’d go out.
Even though he said it was okay for me to do that as long as I was with him.
He started to slowly isolate me from people he thought weren’t good for me.
I silently submitted to his wishes.
Later on, he would start fights out of nothing.
He’d curse and insult me, and bring up past mistakes just to belittle me.
“You’re worthless,” he’d say.
I would remain quiet until he calmed down,
Then I’d reproach him and he’d apologize.
There’s this one time when he kept comparing me to his wife,
Saying that she’s better than me and that she comes from a better family.
I told my parents about him and they agreed that we get married.
My father asked for a dowry as is customary.
“Who do you think you are to ask for that kind of money?” he said.
He never believes me.
I’m tired,
And I can’t stay away from him.
I don’t know how to please him.