Three years ago, on the same day as the death of my closest and best friend,
My first love and fiance walked out of my life without any prior warning.
He broke up with me via a single message sent over Whatsapp:
“You’re beautiful and deserve someone better than me. Take care of yourself for my sake.”
He wanted me to take care of myself for his sake at a time when I needed him the most.
The audacity of him.
I tried to get in touch with him, but he refused, and I haven’t heard anything about him since that day.
I only know that he got engaged to a girl that he wanted to date before we met.
Shock, sadness, confusion, fear, insomnia, tears—so many tears—loss of appetite, weight loss, nightmares, and my family denying me the right to sadness and pressuring me to forget…
Forget all the dreams and plans for a home, a friend, a lover, and future husband in just a few months.

I did everything I could do to distract myself and not be sad, but I failed.
I worked, I made toxic friendships to convince myself that I deserved the pain, and that I didn’t deserve happiness and healthy relationships,
I lost trust in myself and my capabilities.
I tried to enter into a new relationship to make me forget what I’d been through, but I failed.
I resorted to psychiatry and was forced to take huge doses of antidepressants and sleeping pills for a year.
I attended a lot of intensive sessions with specialists and psychology counselors.
I committed myself to self-love and not letting anyone, no matter who they were, to influence my psychological state.
I became my most prized possession, and I now have the utmost respect for myself.
The depression went away and took with it a year of my life, during which I felt I had grown so old, even though I was only 24.
It left wrinkles and sadness on my face that I haven’t even seen on my mother.
All gratitude goes to my friend who used to push me to go to the doctor and keep up with my sessions, medicine, and sleep schedule.
They helped me reach the point I’ve gotten to right now in terms of inner self-peace in spite of the setbacks I have every now and again when I remember my shock.