I went to her place.
Her mom greeted me and let me know that she was going to run some errands.
Until she was back, we had the house to ourselves.
Her and I.

I ran away from you the first time you tried to kiss me.
“You’re a coward!” you said.
I was scared.
Scared of myself.
There was a voice in my head telling me,
“Are you sure you want to get so close to him?”
I was hurt by everyone I got close to.

I went to my shrink and told her there was a hole inside of me.
Prescribe something, anything. I'm not happy feeling this way.
It's like someone plunged their hand deep inside, took something, and left.

It has been rough.
I have been through so much.
I no longer want to ignore what's happening to me, around me.
I feel angry most of the time and empty.
I feel sad and alone.
I wonder why I care about people who don't care for me?

I’ve always been the chubby one.
I was fatter than my siblings and friends.
When I was a child,
My family used to make fun of me.
I had to laugh and pretend it was okay.
Otherwise, they’d think I was being a drama queen.
My siblings would mock me by singing made-up songs about my body.
body image, bullying, romantic relationships

No one ever told me not to cry
But for some reason, I knew crying was shameful.
So, basically if you cry, you're not a real man.

“Why can’t I go tell him: I love you and I want to marry you?”
“Have you lost your mind? How could you do something like that?”

“The best thing about you is your tan,” he’d always tell me.
“What tan?” I’d laugh, “I am as dark as chocolate.”
“And I’m crazy about chocolate” he’d respond adoringly.

“May you never experience loss again,”
She said to me.
I love it when someone tells me that.
Loss is such a heart-wrenching experience.
romantic relationships, marriage

I’m 32 years old.
I’m divorced, and I don’t have any children.
When I turned 32, everyone pressured me into getting married.
I honestly wasn’t really looking forward to it.