I don’t know how to resolve my body issues.
I can’t stand my body and its needs.
I feel like that diminishes me.

I’m passive, weak, uneducated.
Veiled from head to toe.
One of his four wives.
Work in the kitchen all day.
And spread my legs wide at night.
That’s what you think, right?

I was old when I got my period for the first time.
I was the last one to get it at school.
I was 15 years old.
womanhood, period, body image, gender identity

I used to like it when my male managers called me a 'man'
in their attempt to describe me as a reliable and efficient employee.
Who doesn't carry their emotional baggage (shit) to work?
womanhood, work

The reason why the poetess wants to leave her busy life behind and focus on simpler things hasn’t been determined yet.
But I’m sure that I don’t want people around me to assume that my interests are trivial just because I’m a woman.
Or because of the way I look.

I didn’t bleed a lot the first day I got my period,
So there were doubts about whether or not it was actually my period.
It was the worst time of my life.
womanhood, period, gender violence, fgm, virginity testing

When I was in primary school,
Mama and my teacher talked about periods.
I understood everything about them.
I finished primary school,
And still didn’t get my period.
Mama didn’t stay quiet about it.
She told all my aunts,
That I was going to middle school,
And still didn’t get my period.
This made family gatherings a nightmare for me.
All my aunts would keep asking me,
“You still didn’t get it?”

The first time I got my period I knew what it was,
But I also knew and prepared myself that I must hide it and not tell anyone.
womanhood, period

I was 12 years old when I got my first period.
I cried because I knew that meant I was a grown-up now.
My mother and my father’s relatives ululated and cheered.
My father was happy.
I still don’t understand the reason behind the immense happiness families feel when their daughter gets her period.
Does it mean there’s nothing wrong with me?
I don’t get it.

A couple of months later,
There was a copy of the Quran in the living room,
And my father asked to move it.
My grandfather was there too.
“I can’t,” I replied.
“Maybe it’s that time of the month,” my father said.
I went to my room and cried,
Because now everyone knew.
I don’t know why I used to be embarrassed about it.
I don’t know what made me feel embarrassed.

But I’m not embarrassed by it at all now.
If anyone asks me what’s wrong with me when I looked tired,
I tell them I’m on my period.
It doesn’t matter who it is that’s asking me.
I’m not afraid or embarrassed saying it, like I used to be.
And I don’t have a problem eating in front of other people when I’m not fasting.

The Women of Establ Antar
Those women were in control of their bodies, unlike most of the women in the city.
They would bellydance anywhere, anytime.